"Real Men Don’t Text" by Ruthie and Michael Dean


Real Men Don’t Text addresses dating and all of its issues in our current “digital world.” It is founded upon the premise that a real, healthy relationship should never be developed through digital communication (note the word developed; this book does not condemn texting as a whole), but rather through a more traditional method: personal interaction.

This book tackles a lot of current issues relevant to our day and age: texting, sexting, online dating, social media relations, chemistry vs. connection, self-worth, and finding the right man – with whom to settle down, not fool around.

The writing style is very casual and conversational. Ruthie and Michael Dean offer a plethora of practical advice on how not to fall for the false affections of text-based relationships. The Deans are open and honest, brazen when they need to be, and full of grace.

What I Liked

For those of you who know me, you know I’m not into the whole romance/relationship stuff at all. In fact, I’ve never actually read a relationship book in my life. However, I’ve followed Ruthie Dean as a blogger for a while (www.ruthiedean.com), so I trusted her and her husband Michael as writers, and absolutely loved the principles upon which their book was founded. So, I decided to read it.

Here are a few of the concepts that I found most noteworthy:

  • “Why you should say no to texting:
    • Texting is easy.
    • Texting is not a real connection.
    • Texting affords both you and him the ability to be someone you’re not.
    • Texting handicaps the communication necessary to build a healthy relationship” (pp. 8-9).
  • “Purity now for intimacy later” (p. 41).
    • Ruthie explains (from experience) that a pure, intimate relationship with your spouse is a hundred times more fulfilling than immediate gratification now, and entirely worth the wait.
  • “Real men wait for sex” (p. 53).
    • Michael dispels the beliefs that men “need” sex, that sex is just physical, that a woman’s love is only proven through sex, and that sex will make a girl more likable, among other claims.
  • Setting standards – and adhering to them – is crucial in developing a healthy relationship.
  • A woman’s worth is not found in how many guys are interested in her. “I believed I was only as beautiful as the number of men telling me I was” (p. 68) – how true is this for so many of us? Hookups, texting relationships, copious flirtatiousness, and jumping from one guy to the next will never fulfill a girl, and will always leave her disappointed.
    • This was one of my favorite principles of the book, as I feel this is what most strongly leads women to texting relationships – the need to feel “loved” or to feel a sense of worth.

Throughout the book, Ruthie is candid, vulnerable, and transparent about her past and her struggles. This made it very easy to trust her and know that she is not speaking from a place of judgment, but rather of experience and love.

Would I Recommend This Book?

Yes! To anyone and everyone. Obviously, it’s written to a specific audience (women who have fallen for the societal norms of texting and finding their worth in men), but I personally think that everyone – yes, even men – can benefit from the principles and standards taught in this book.

I especially encourage you to read it if you:

  • Are tired of a repeatedly unsatisfying dating cycle.
  • Measure your value, beauty, or worth based upon the number of guys texting you (if we’re honest with ourselves, this has happened to us all).
  • Need assurance and affirmation that healthy dating relationships do still exist – they just require work (and solid standards).

Ruthie and Michael: you guys rock. Thanks for writing this book, and thanks especially for being such an incredible, shining reflection of true Love.


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